"Finding Value Within" AWAKE with Dr. Jay Kumar podcast 2/16/2012

"Seeking your sense of value from others and from society only leads to pain and suffering. Discovering the value of your own inner truth and genuine power is the source of your authentic and everlasting happiness." Dr. Jay Kumar

On the recent AWAKE with Dr. Jay Kumar on the Doug Stephan Good Day Show we discussed the tragic loss of Whitney Houston and the heavy price we pay when we fail to find the value within each of us. A really great show that will leave you empowered, awakened and aware that the greatest love of all comes from within. In the immortal words of the beautiful and divine Whitney Houston:

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadow 
If I fail, if I succeed 
At least I live as I believe 
No matter what they take from me 
They can't take away my dignity 
Because the greatest love of all 
Is happening to me 
I found the greatest love of all 
Inside of me 
The greatest love of all 
Is easy to achieve 
Learning to love yourself 
It is the greatest love of all

Always remember how beautiful, joyous and amazing you are. Never be afraid to let your light shine fully and brightly, for the world would be a much dimmer place without you in it!

Dr. Jay Kumar
www.drjaykumar
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Pain versus Suffering

His Holiness the Dalai Lama has a wonderful quote that encapsulates the nature of suffering. He says, "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." The point here is to recognize that suffering is different from pain. Knowing the distinction between pain versus suffering is an important aspect for our personal growth and wellbeing. 

 

I view pain as a physical condition and grief as its emotional correlate. Hitting our toe against the table causes physical pain, while the loss of a loved one can produce emotional grief. On the other hand, the cause of our suffering is self-inflicted and produced by our mind and thoughts over the event that initially caused the pain. In essence

 

Pain = Physical
Grief = Emotional
Suffering = Mental

 

Here's a personal and every day example that distinguishes between pain and suffering and that also illustrates the cause of suffering. A few weeks ago I spilled liquid on my laptop requiring me to take it in for what I dreaded would be a costly repair. I experienced the instant "pain" of that one action as panic in my body wondering if I had ruined my computer. My "suffering" was caused by incessantly mentally berating myself over my carelessness the next FIVE DAYS of not having a computer, even though there was NOTHING I could do to change the situation. 

While suffering is the product of how our mind chooses to respond to the pain, we each experience and respond to suffering in our own unique way such as anger, fear, anxiety, depression, etc. Even though suffering is a natural human response to pain, it is not physical but a mental condition that exists independently of pain. Paradoxically, we can suffer even after the pain has gone. Neuroscientists now believe that while most organisms feel pain, certain animals, e.g. elephants, primates, and dolphins, appear also to experience emotional grief. However, it is only humans that experience suffering! 

Suffering is also directly connected with change. If we recall from last month's article, loss is just merely a form of change that is part of life. Change is something that is an integral part of life and nature. The more we resist the inevitable force of change and the acceptance of change in our life, the more we suffer. There exists, then, a direct correlation between suffering and resistance that I express in the following equation.

Suffering = Resistance x Change.

Putting it more simply, suffering is just resistance to accepting change. Our suffering is, therefore, proportional to the degree to which we resist change. While change is constant and something that we may have no control over, we do have a choice to how much we resist change and, thus, how much we suffer. To the degree that we can embrace change, especially when it occurs as loss, the less our mental suffering becomes.

Readapting the Dalai Lama’s quote, I now say, “Change is inevitable, suffering is optional.”

Keep on Living Your Light® as you learn to embrace the flow and change in your life!

Dr. Jay Kumar

Learning to Embrace Loss: Part One

Learning to Embrace Loss: Part One

 

Dear Friends,

Happy summer, everyone (or winter to my friends below the equator)! As always I hope this month's newsletter finds you enjoying and manifesting your full potential in life. It feels that recently many of us, myself included, are currently learning to deal with loss in some form. For you, it might be losing a dear family member, ending a relationship or marriage, your job, your home, or even the way of life you once knew. For me, loss is manifesting in the gradual departure of my best buddy Pico, a beloved 14.5 year-old golden retriever. I, therefore, wish to dedicate this and the next issue to all of you, or people you know, coping with loss and transition at this time. While loss is undoubtedly a painful and overwhelming process, there can actually be some valuable lessons learned from the experience. In part one of this series, I begin with some advice on how you can shift your attitude toward loss and hopefully view it in a new light.

The first step toward coping with loss is to view loss as change! You may wonder, "What's the difference?" I believe that change comes in two forms, as either a joyous experience that you embrace or as a painful process that you dread. Most of you would agree that certain life events, e.g. getting married, having a child, going to college, getting a new home, etc., are all happy and joyous moments in life. Looking more closely, all of these celebratory situations also take on a form of loss, e.g. loss of being single, loss of youth, or loss of an old way of life. On the other hand, the painful loss of a loved one, a relationship, or career brings grief and sadness.

So why is that we embrace the positive form of change but not when the change manifests as loss? Perhaps it is due to the innate human condition that views loss as something that causes uncertainty of the future over which we have no control. While we each experience loss in different ways, most of us react to loss through anger, grief, despair, frustration, or even denial. While all these emotions are valid in their own form, they are merely the ways in which we similarly react when life events seems out of control. Let's face it, for most the loss of a job, partner/spouse, pet, loved one, or a home is generally something that, despite how much we try, cannot be changed. The key phrase here is "cannot be changed!" If you can learn to shift the perception of loss to see it merely as just one form of change, the process of healing can begin as we transform our suffering into acceptance. I will explore this matter in next month's issue.

Again, the fundamental way to work through loss is to view it within the larger context of change. Both the good things in life that bring you joy (marriage, children, new relationship, job, etc.) and the challenging things that yield despair and suffering (death, divorce, unemployment, etc.) are in actuality just two sides of the same coin, known as change. The difference between the two is how we choose to view them and in the corresponding emotional labels of "good or bad" placed on them. In the same way that the change brought on by marriage and children is an opportunity for growth and expansion, I believe the same is true with loss. The key resides once you merely see loss for what it truly is-change. 

In next month's issue I explore how suffering relates to loss and how to transform suffering into acceptance.

Even in this time of change, manifesting as loss, know that you have the power and the capacity to embrace loss with acceptance, faith, and trust that all will be well soon. I hope you enjoy the newsletter as you continue Living Your Light®. Please feel free to share with friends and family who could use the encouraging words in their time of loss.

Dr. Jay Kumar

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