Happy 2012! So how many of you who made a New Year’s resolution are still keeping up with it? Believe it or not, studies show that 90% of you will break or abandon your New Year’s resolutions by the second part of January! Do you wonder why that is? Well, I have a couple of ideas. One reason deals with language and the word “resolution” itself. The other key entails your brain and the emotional place from which you make your resolutions. In fact your language, brain, and emotions all are factors in determining if you’ll succeed or succumb to your New Year’s resolutions. Curious to learn how you can stick to your New Year’s goals?
Let’s start with the power of language and thoughts and explore the word “resolution.” When you break down this word, a “resolution” is in reality a “re-solution” When you “re-solve” to do something, you’re generally “re-solving” a problem or a situation. So if your New Year’s resolution sounds something like, “I resolve to eat more properly, I resolve to quit smoking, I resolve to exercise more regularly, etc.” the underlying message is that you’re attempting to “solve a problem” in your life and judge aspects of yourself that you dislike. While I agree that all of these resolutions are worthwhile to make, if you’re making them all from an emotional and mental place of low self-esteem, self-judgment, and self-pity, it only makes it that much harder to continue with your goals and intentions for wanting greater health and happiness.
This idea of making resolutions from a psychological state of negative thinking connects to the other piece regarding your brain and emotions. The latest findings in neuroscience state that your brain is biologically wired to remember more negative thoughts and emotions over positive ones. The neuropsychologist, Dr. Rick Hanson, sums it up nicely by stating, “The mind is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.” I’m sure many of you can relate to this idea, but why is that your minds tend to remember the painful, negative experiences but not so much the joyous, happy moments? There’s actually a neurobiological answer that has to do with something called a “negativity bias.” At the University of Washington a study revealed how a negative experience remains wired into your brain more strongly than a positive one. In fact, it takes up to five positive experiences to outweigh a negative thought!
So whenever you perceive aspects of your life as a problem, your consciousness automatically perceives them as negative or unwanted aspects of yourself that you have to rid in order to be perfect, happy, etc. This type of thinking only generates and perpetuates low self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness that in turn compound your attitude of failure and frustration. So it’s no wonder that you might lack commitment and abandon your hopes and dreams that you made with enthusiasm at the New Year. So what’s the answer to stop your unhealthy thoughts of shame or guilt when it comes to making New Year’s resolutions to aspects you perceive as problems in your life?
I invite you to consider the possibility that rather than making a New Year’s “re-solution” you make a New Year’s “re-affirmation” for what you want to manifest in 2012! How does that sound to you? Say to yourself – “I’m making a New Year’s REAFFIRMATION!” When you say this phrase, you begin to “affirm” aspects of your life that are already great and working for you. By making a reaffirmation you focus on all the empowered positive choices you’ve already made, rather than on “re-solving” all the problems you believe exist in your life.
In the fields of cognitive psychology and neurolinguistics, the language and words that you use have a very powerful impact on how you act and how you live. In neuroscience, this concept is known as creating a “neural net.” The thoughts and words that you choose to believe about yourself rewire your brain physiology eventually creating a neural net that reinforces these patterns of consciousness. In essence, your thoughts literally influence your health and wellbeing. As the Buddha eloquently stated, “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make our world.” This quote is relevant to our discussion. When you shift your thoughts and language from “re-solving” a problem to “re-affirming” an intention, you in turn alter your consciousness from viewing your life as a series of pesky problems to one of joyous affirmations.
So here are two great exercises you can do. The first is to reword your New Year’s resolutions into reaffirmations. Taking the examples of resolutions I used earlier, you can rephrase them by saying, “I reaffirm to continue being happy, healthy and to love myself in 2012 by eating more properly, by quitting smoking, and by exercising more regularly.” Can you feel a difference in the language of this new affirmation from the previous resolution? The fundamental shift is that your reaffirmations begin by “re-affirming” the positive and joyous aspects of your life, which in turn make it easier to create the changes you want.
The second tool, which addresses the “negativity bias,” is to make a list of five aspects or qualities in your life that you already do well. If you recall it can take up to five positive thoughts and emotions to outweigh an unhealthy one. I encourage you to have this list near you at all times by keeping it on your cell phone, in your wallet or purse, or on your office desk. This is your “affirmation” list, which will help alleviate any frustration and disappointment you might have as you move forward in your goals for 2012. Repeat these affirmations to yourself on a daily basis, or whenever you feel the need.
These exercises of rewording your resolutions to reaffirmations and of creating your “affirmation list” help you to focus on those aspects of life that empower you, instead of shame or guilt you. In turn, cultivating more emotionally and mentally healthy thoughts creates the foundation for more transformation to occur in your life. In just a short time, you will quickly learn to use these newly created New Year’s reaffirmations and begin the gradual steps to realize your goals. The key word here is gradual. Deep and profound change rarely happens instantly or overnight. So be patient and compassionate to yourself, knowing the great news is that you can enjoy your New Year’s reaffirmations all throughout 2012! Watch the full video clip on Youtube here to learn more!
So if you’ve already broken your New Year’s resolutions, I’m here to tell you that there’s still hope. The answer for you to fulfill your dreams and goals for the year and beyond is to transform your New Year’s “resolutions” to New Year’s “reaffirmations.” Have a wonderful day and an amazing 2012, as you continue Living Your Lightâ with your new reaffirmations!
Dr. Jay Kumar
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