His Holiness the Dalai Lama has a wonderful quote that encapsulates the nature of suffering. He says, "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." The point here is to recognize that suffering is different from pain. Knowing the distinction between pain versus suffering is an important aspect for our personal growth and wellbeing.
I view pain as a physical condition and grief as its emotional correlate. Hitting our toe against the table causes physical pain, while the loss of a loved one can produce emotional grief. On the other hand, the cause of our suffering is self-inflicted and produced by our mind and thoughts over the event that initially caused the pain. In essence
Pain = Physical
Grief = Emotional
Suffering = Mental
Here's a personal and every day example that distinguishes between pain and suffering and that also illustrates the cause of suffering. A few weeks ago I spilled liquid on my laptop requiring me to take it in for what I dreaded would be a costly repair. I experienced the instant "pain" of that one action as panic in my body wondering if I had ruined my computer. My "suffering" was caused by incessantly mentally berating myself over my carelessness the next FIVE DAYS of not having a computer, even though there was NOTHING I could do to change the situation.
While suffering is the product of how our mind chooses to respond to the pain, we each experience and respond to suffering in our own unique way such as anger, fear, anxiety, depression, etc. Even though suffering is a natural human response to pain, it is not physical but a mental condition that exists independently of pain. Paradoxically, we can suffer even after the pain has gone. Neuroscientists now believe that while most organisms feel pain, certain animals, e.g. elephants, primates, and dolphins, appear also to experience emotional grief. However, it is only humans that experience suffering!
Suffering is also directly connected with change. If we recall from last month's article, loss is just merely a form of change that is part of life. Change is something that is an integral part of life and nature. The more we resist the inevitable force of change and the acceptance of change in our life, the more we suffer. There exists, then, a direct correlation between suffering and resistance that I express in the following equation.
Suffering = Resistance x Change.
Putting it more simply, suffering is just resistance to accepting change. Our suffering is, therefore, proportional to the degree to which we resist change. While change is constant and something that we may have no control over, we do have a choice to how much we resist change and, thus, how much we suffer. To the degree that we can embrace change, especially when it occurs as loss, the less our mental suffering becomes.
Readapting the Dalai Lama’s quote, I now say, “Change is inevitable, suffering is optional.”
Keep on Living Your Light® as you learn to embrace the flow and change in your life!
Dr. Jay Kumar
