DR. JAY KUMAR

If you’re like many people, you might be living with challenging circumstances at this time. The fragility of the global economy, increasing natural disasters, and a general sense of not knowing what the future holds may find your life fraught with panic, overwhelm, or fear. As I discussed in an earlier blog, the very essence of life is about change, and learning not to fear change is the key successfully navigating the torrents of change. (Full article here). The way you respond to change determines your state of wellbeing and ability to cope with the major transformations unfolding around the planet. At this time, it is more important than ever to remember a very powerful axiom of life–suffering is merely resistance to change! The more you resist the powerful changes happening around you and remain stuck in fear, the more you suffer and become incapable of moving forward with the natural flow of life.

As I like to believe, the most powerful lessons from life come to us from Nature. One of my favorite outdoor activities is white-water river rafting and kayaking. My fondest memory of rafting in rapids was a few years ago in New Zealand with my father. It was a fairly advanced river, but we were both ready for the adventure. Our raft came upon a treacherous series of rapids causing it to tip over to one side throwing me into the raging currents. Even though my life jacket and helmet fortunately prevented me from drowning or from any serious injury, nevertheless, I began to panic. Struggling to get back on to the raft was a major challenge as the currents wanted to take me downstream away from shore. It was then I realized that if I just stop struggling and let the currents naturally take me downstream that I would arrive at a safe point in the river, and eventually be able to get back on the raft. Sure enough, the moment I stopped panicking and resisting the river’s powerful flow and just surrendered to its natural course, I was able to reorient my body with my feet pointing downstream as the currents led me within a minute to a calm part of the river. A few moments later, the raft was able to retrieve and allow me to continue on with my adventure.

The lesson here is that life is like a white-water rafting expedition. There are moments of great fun and adventure, and eventually moments when the river can be unpredictable throwing you into the water. If you can just remember to surrender and reposition yourself, trusting in the natural flow of the river’s course instead of floundering to get back to safety, eventually the river will let you flow to where you need to be. The more you learn not to resist the powerful currents that life sometimes brings, but remember just to go with the flow to where life takes you, you always will be safe.

It again all boils down to how much you trust the unfolding of your personal journey down the river of your life. Learning to live in the powerful moment of the here and now is the first step to being in flow with the natural rhythms and cycles of your “river of life.” The second step requires you knowing when to reposition yourself so as to be in flow with life’s changes and not to resist in futile struggle. The more you attempt to swim against the current in panic or fear, the more you suffer as you resist the natural flow of your life’s journey. The moment you surrender to the trust that your life flows effortlessly, the river automatically takes you in the direction you’re supposed to be headed. The more you live in the flow of this present moment, the more you let your life unfold exactly how it needs to be.

Every moment of your life is an opportunity to live in flow with the adventure. Yes, there are going to be moments along the river when you might get stuck or fall overboard. The more you make a conscious intention to remember that life always takes you where you need to be once you learn how to go with the flow, you will always be safe, despite the “currents of change” happening all around you at this time. As the wise Taoist philosopher, Lao Tzu, once famously declared, “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” May you continue LIVING YOUR LIGHT® on your adventurous river of life with ease, fun, and flow!

Dr. Jay Kumar
www.drjaykumar.com
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Twitter – docjaykumar

While we commemorate another anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy, many of us might be reliving the pain, anguish and grief that we experienced both individually and collectively on that life-altering day. However, as truly horrific the events of 9/11 were, they can also provide valuable lessons that enable us to grow, evolve and eventually to heal as people and as a planet. Below are five life-empowering lessons that I invite you to receive as we mark the events of that pivotal day in humanity’s history.

• Viewing Loss as Change – While we grieve over the tragic loss of life and even the loss of our way of life in the aftermath of 9/11, the first step toward our personal and planetary healing is to view loss as merely change. We must understand that everyone is unable to avoid change (in both its empowering and challenging forms). We always have some change and transformation always happening in our life. The only way to cope with loss in life is by accepting them merely as change. I believe that change comes in two forms, as either an empowering, joyous experience that you embrace or as a painful, traumatic process that you dread. So why do we embrace the positive form of change but not when the change manifests as loss? Perhaps it is due to the innate human condition that views loss as something that causes uncertainty of the future over which we have no control. While we each experience loss in different ways, most of us react to loss through anger, grief, despair, frustration, or even denial. While all these emotions are valid in their own form, they are merely the ways in which we similarly react when life events seem out of control. If you can learn to shift the perception of loss to see it merely as just one form of change, the process of healing can begin as we transform our suffering into acceptance. The fundamental way to work through loss is to view it within the larger context of change. In the same way that the change brought on by losing a job or loved one can eventually become an opportunity for growth and expansion, I believe the same is true with the loss we all experienced during 9/11. The key resides once we merely see loss for what it truly is–change. As the noted scientist and natural philosopher Charles Darwin once said, “It is not the strongest of the species
that survives, nor the most intelligent,
 but the one most responsive to change.”

• The Power of Choice – Every moment in our life, we have the power of choice. Do we use our power to act in love, compassion, tolerance, forgiveness, and trust or from a place of fear, distrust, anger, vengeance, and hatred? I believe that this lesson is the greatest one that 9/11 offers to us. While we initially reacted to the calamity of 9/11 with shock, anger, and the need for vengeance, the opportunity also existed to respond from a place of compassion and wisdom. A few months back I had the privilege of hearing His Holiness the Dalai Lama speak here in Los Angeles the day after Osama bin Laden was eliminated. Commenting on the event, the Dalai Lama said, “Forgiveness doesn't mean forget what happened…If something is serious and it is necessary to take counter-measures, you have to take counter-measures." I believe that His Holiness refers to the ability for us individually and collectively to take action when absolutely necessary, but also to hold compassion to the person or group who committed the act. In essence, we can extend compassion and forgiveness to the individuals behind 9/11, but not forget their actions nor allow them to happen again. As the Buddha famously preached, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” 

• Healing Our Fear of “The Other” - In the case of Osama bin Laden, Hitler, or repressive dictators throughout history, they chose to act out from a place of fear toward those who held worldviews different from their own. Alternatively, there are those like Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, and Mother Theresa who use their power to dispel fear and hatred and to cultivate tolerance and compassion. You may have observed that right after 9/11 and also in the past few month various religious figures and major media networks want us to live in fear of those who are of a different race, sexuality, nationality, political view, religion, etc. While there are some in our society who advocate labeling people “white/black/Asian/Latino,” “Christian/Muslim/,” “gay/straight,” “Republican/Democrat,” “Conservative/Liberal,” “American/Middle Eastern,” we just need to see each other as fellow human beings first and foremost. Everything else is secondary and is just a category into which we put other people. Interestingly, in many of the world’s languages the word “heal” is related to the word “whole.” When you live your life from a place of fear, you are also living from a place fragmentation. Thus, you are not living from a place of wholeness because you are not healed. On a collective level, the paradigm of fear and mistrust appear in our national need for control and domination in an “us” versus “them” worldview. What 9/11 offers us on our path toward personal healing and planetary wholeness is to release our fear of the unknown and of those who happen to live a different way of life. It is about celebrating human diversity and not seeing others way of life as a threat to our own. 

• The Power of the One Affects the Whole - A corollary to the two previous lessons is never to forget that your thoughts and actions influence others. If you choose to react and live in fear, anger, and hatred you give permission for others to do the same. However, if you choose to act from a place of authentic power, forgiveness, compassion, love, tolerance, and joy you also allow others to do the same. As more of us awake and realize the common bond that unites humanity, the more we become whole and healed. As more wholeness unfolds on the planet through our individual healing, all aspects of separation and fragmentation can no longer be tolerated, for us individually and collectively. The lessons from 9/11 provide each of us the ability to influence the greater whole. If we allow the events of 9/11 to have each of us live in fear, mistrust, and anger, we in turn give permission to those around us, especially to our children, to do the same. It is important to remember that children are not born to hate and to be racists or bigots; for these are attributes that they learn from their environment. However, if we recognize the power of choosing to live in trust, empowerment, and truth, we allow our children to learn and to live by our example. As Elizabeth Kubler-Ross says, “I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime.” Basically, our collective worldview will change only when we change our individual view of the world. Again, it all boils down to knowing that your thoughts and actions do indeed influence the greater whole. 

 • Reevaluate Your Values – The final lesson that 9/11 imparts to us is to recognize what truly is of value in our life. When the planes went down on 9/11 and the people trapped in the World Trade Center knew the end was near, the cell calls they made weren’t about trivial matters but were about expressing love and gratitude to those they would never see again. While having a great job, a home, and financial security are ideals that our society prizes, they are not the real values that matter. Our family, friends, pets, nature, health, and happiness, and all that which money cannot buy are what truly matter at the end of the day. One of the common bonds uniting all humans on this planet is our mortality. The painful circumstances of 9/11 demonstrated that life is such a rare and precious gift.  In the Eastern traditions it is said that the key to health and happiness is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and fully. For it is in this very moment when the abundance and beauty of life present themselves to us in all forms. As I like to say, “At the end of the day it’s not about how much of a living you made but about how much you lived!"

However you choose to mark the anniversary of 9/11, I hope that these lessons empower you to live more in wholeness, health, and abundance. As the famous American author, William Faulkner, once declared, “I believe that mankind will not merely endure: it will prevail. It is immortal, not because it alone among creatures has an inexhaustible voice, but because it has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance.” I truly believe that we humans, both individually and collectively, will not just survive from the tragedy of 9/11, but that we will thrive as a species as we dispel our petty differences and embrace our common humanity!

In remembrance and respect to all who were lost that day.

Sincerely,

Dr. Jay Kumar
www.drjaykumar.com
Facebook – Dr. Jay Kumar
Twitter - docjaykumar  

 

“It is not the strongest of the species
that survives, nor the most intelligent,
but the one most responsive to change.” Charles Darwin

In this popular episode of “AWAKE with Dr. Jay Kumar” on Good Day with Doug Stephan, learn the reasons why we fear change and what you can do to adapt to change. AWAKE & Enjoy!

Dr. Jay Kumar
www.drjaykumar.com
Facebook - Dr. Jay Kumar
Twitter - @docjaykumar

 

Change is one of the most challenging aspects of life, especially when change manifests suddenly or unexpectedly as loss, a matter I’ve blogged about in previous posts. (Read more here) Specifically, fear of change or feeling out of control amidst change is a topic that I find myself often exploring with clients. As the noted scientist and natural philosopher Charles Darwin once said, “It is not the strongest of the species
that survives, nor the most intelligent,
but the one most responsive to change.” No matter how fit or strong you are physically, it is your mental and psychological ability to adapt and respond to change that is the most important survival tool in life.

Before exploring how you can deal with the fear of change, let’s briefly talk about the emotion of fear. Neuroscience advocates that fear is a natural evolutionary product of our collective biology that we inherited from our early human ancestors. Fear was a survival mechanism that protected us from real and immediate threats. Even though most humans now live in a world relatively free from constant danger, our brains are incapable of distinguishing between real versus perceived fear. For example, you experience “fight or flight” fear when your life is truly at risk, e.g. think of being chased by a lion in the African savannah. Contrarily, the fear of public speaking or of confronting your boss for a raise is a self-inflicted perceived fear of a future, non-imminent situation. While “fight or flight” fear is an autonomic biological response that is real and crucial for survival, all other types of perceived fear are self-created and, therefore, can be controlled. In essence, there’s a difference when your life is truly at risk and when you’re taking a risk. Our neurobiology makes it difficult, but not impossible, for many of us to harness the primal areas of our brain that produce biological fear. However, the good news is that perceived and self-created fear appears to be a product of our higher cognitive brain that, with practice, we can more readily tame. Fear of change, which falls into the latter category, is something we fortunately have the power to manage.

So why, then, do we fear change? I believe the answer is that change creates the perception that we have no control of our life. It is the dread of not being in control that we really fear, which in turn produces the accompanying anxiety and stress. While many of us might enjoy the status quo and feel complacent in a life without change, we must understand that change is the fundamental rule of nature. Your cells, skin, hair, and nails change regularly to keep your bodies healthy and strong. The seasons in nature change annually to produce new life and food on the planet. Therefore, change is literally within and all around helping us and all life on the planet to thrive. Basically, without change life would perish.

So how can you cope with your fear of change? Here are some tools that you might find helpful.

1)    The first step to control your fear of change is your ability to view it as an inherent part of your life. In a previous post, I mentioned that “Suffering = Resistance to Change.” (Read more here) The more you resist change in your life, the more anguish you experience.

2)    Another handy tool is to re-conceptualize the word “change” with other terms. Words such as growth, renewal, evolution, or transformation are all synonyms for change. What those words have in common is the underlying and inherent principle of change.

3)    Another key to embracing change is to practice mindfulness and to focus your thoughts on the present moment. (Read more here) Doing so allows your thoughts and consciousness not to dwell on the unknown future, but rather on the “here and now.”

4)    Deep-belly breathing is another scientifically proven method to alleviate the emotion of fear and the physical sensations that accompany it. (Watch breathing video here)  Remember, fear is just a form of energy. As energy can never be destroyed but merely transformed from one state to another, your fear can also be transformed. I strongly believe that fear is nothing more than excitement without the breath.

5)    Another effective tool that I personally use and highly encourage to my clients is to make a daily affirmation. While it can be anything that you find helpful, I regularly use the following, “I live my day as I embrace change as part of my life. I am powerful and have the strength to create the life that I wish. I know that the universe (God) is conspiring for my greatest good and happiness!” 

On a final note, when your fear of change is not properly checked, it can manifest in unhealthy ways in your life. Not only are there physical dangers of living constantly in a state of fear, but there are also emotional and psychological concerns when you fear change. On an individual level, you may react to change with resistance, anger, and violence toward yourself and even toward the world. On a national and political level, when a society or a culture fears change, it often leads to war, violence, and acts of terror. I venture to say that many of the terrorist acts we witness of late are the result of those who fear the massive changes happening in society and who choose to respond from a place of anger and hatred . I’ll discuss more of this in a later post.

Again, the key to your finding harmony and peace in life is to embrace the fundamental law of nature that everything changes. How you choose to respond to life’s changes, either with fear and resistance or with acceptance and flow, is the key to your health and wellbeing. The more you can embrace the power of change in your life and not fear it, the more we all will thrive as individuals, a culture, and a planet. To rephrase Darwin’s original quote with an example in nature, the bamboo that has the ability to bend is much stronger and endures longer than the oak that resists!

Keep on Living Your Light® as you learn to embrace the flow and change in your life!

Dr. Jay Kumar
www.drjaykumar.com
Facebook – Dr. Jay Kumar
Twitter - @docjaykumar

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”
~ Charles Darwin.

Hear the latest podcast of "AWAKE with Dr. Jay Kumar!" as we discuss how to turn loss and change into our advantage. In this episode, I'm also joined by health/fitness expert, Andrea Metcalf. 

Enjoy and AWAKE!

Dr. Jay Kumar 

 

Dear Friends,

Happy summer, everyone (or winter to my friends below the equator)! As always I hope this month's newsletter finds you enjoying and manifesting your full potential in life. It feels that recently many of us, myself included, are currently learning to deal with loss in some form. For you, it might be losing a dear family member, ending a relationship or marriage, your job, your home, or even the way of life you once knew. For me, loss is manifesting in the gradual departure of my best buddy Pico, a beloved 14.5 year-old golden retriever. I, therefore, wish to dedicate this and the next issue to all of you, or people you know, coping with loss and transition at this time. While loss is undoubtedly a painful and overwhelming process, there can actually be some valuable lessons learned from the experience. In part one of this series, I begin with some advice on how you can shift your attitude toward loss and hopefully view it in a new light.

The first step toward coping with loss is to view loss as change! You may wonder, "What's the difference?" I believe that change comes in two forms, as either a joyous experience that you embrace or as a painful process that you dread. Most of you would agree that certain life events, e.g. getting married, having a child, going to college, getting a new home, etc., are all happy and joyous moments in life. Looking more closely, all of these celebratory situations also take on a form of loss, e.g. loss of being single, loss of youth, or loss of an old way of life. On the other hand, the painful loss of a loved one, a relationship, or career brings grief and sadness.

So why is that we embrace the positive form of change but not when the change manifests as loss? Perhaps it is due to the innate human condition that views loss as something that causes uncertainty of the future over which we have no control. While we each experience loss in different ways, most of us react to loss through anger, grief, despair, frustration, or even denial. While all these emotions are valid in their own form, they are merely the ways in which we similarly react when life events seems out of control. Let's face it, for most the loss of a job, partner/spouse, pet, loved one, or a home is generally something that, despite how much we try, cannot be changed. The key phrase here is "cannot be changed!" If you can learn to shift the perception of loss to see it merely as just one form of change, the process of healing can begin as we transform our suffering into acceptance. I will explore this matter in next month's issue.

Again, the fundamental way to work through loss is to view it within the larger context of change. Both the good things in life that bring you joy (marriage, children, new relationship, job, etc.) and the challenging things that yield despair and suffering (death, divorce, unemployment, etc.) are in actuality just two sides of the same coin, known as change. The difference between the two is how we choose to view them and in the corresponding emotional labels of "good or bad" placed on them. In the same way that the change brought on by marriage and children is an opportunity for growth and expansion, I believe the same is true with loss. The key resides once you merely see loss for what it truly is-change. 

In next month's issue I explore how suffering relates to loss and how to transform suffering into acceptance.

Even in this time of change, manifesting as loss, know that you have the power and the capacity to embrace loss with acceptance, faith, and trust that all will be well soon. I hope you enjoy the newsletter as you continue Living Your Light®. Please feel free to share with friends and family who could use the encouraging words in their time of loss.

Dr. Jay Kumar

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