While we commemorate another anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy, many of us might be reliving the pain, anguish and grief that we experienced both individually and collectively on that life-altering day. However, as truly horrific the events of 9/11 were, they can also provide valuable lessons that enable us to grow, evolve and eventually to heal as people and as a planet. Below are five life-empowering lessons that I invite you to receive as we mark the events of that pivotal day in humanity’s history.
• Viewing Loss as Change – While we grieve over the tragic loss of life and even the loss of our way of life in the aftermath of 9/11, the first step toward our personal and planetary healing is to view loss as merely change. We must understand that everyone is unable to avoid change (in both its empowering and challenging forms). We always have some change and transformation always happening in our life. The only way to cope with loss in life is by accepting them merely as change. I believe that change comes in two forms, as either an empowering, joyous experience that you embrace or as a painful, traumatic process that you dread. So why do we embrace the positive form of change but not when the change manifests as loss? Perhaps it is due to the innate human condition that views loss as something that causes uncertainty of the future over which we have no control. While we each experience loss in different ways, most of us react to loss through anger, grief, despair, frustration, or even denial. While all these emotions are valid in their own form, they are merely the ways in which we similarly react when life events seem out of control. If you can learn to shift the perception of loss to see it merely as just one form of change, the process of healing can begin as we transform our suffering into acceptance. The fundamental way to work through loss is to view it within the larger context of change. In the same way that the change brought on by losing a job or loved one can eventually become an opportunity for growth and expansion, I believe the same is true with the loss we all experienced during 9/11. The key resides once we merely see loss for what it truly is–change. As the noted scientist and natural philosopher Charles Darwin once said, “It is not the strongest of the species
that survives, nor the most intelligent,
but the one most responsive to change.”
• The Power of Choice – Every moment in our life, we have the power of choice. Do we use our power to act in love, compassion, tolerance, forgiveness, and trust or from a place of fear, distrust, anger, vengeance, and hatred? I believe that this lesson is the greatest one that 9/11 offers to us. While we initially reacted to the calamity of 9/11 with shock, anger, and the need for vengeance, the opportunity also existed to respond from a place of compassion and wisdom. A few months back I had the privilege of hearing His Holiness the Dalai Lama speak here in Los Angeles the day after Osama bin Laden was eliminated. Commenting on the event, the Dalai Lama said, “Forgiveness doesn't mean forget what happened…If something is serious and it is necessary to take counter-measures, you have to take counter-measures." I believe that His Holiness refers to the ability for us individually and collectively to take action when absolutely necessary, but also to hold compassion to the person or group who committed the act. In essence, we can extend compassion and forgiveness to the individuals behind 9/11, but not forget their actions nor allow them to happen again. As the Buddha famously preached, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
• Healing Our Fear of “The Other” - In the case of Osama bin Laden, Hitler, or repressive dictators throughout history, they chose to act out from a place of fear toward those who held worldviews different from their own. Alternatively, there are those like Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, and Mother Theresa who use their power to dispel fear and hatred and to cultivate tolerance and compassion. You may have observed that right after 9/11 and also in the past few month various religious figures and major media networks want us to live in fear of those who are of a different race, sexuality, nationality, political view, religion, etc. While there are some in our society who advocate labeling people “white/black/Asian/Latino,” “Christian/Muslim/,” “gay/straight,” “Republican/Democrat,” “Conservative/Liberal,” “American/Middle Eastern,” we just need to see each other as fellow human beings first and foremost. Everything else is secondary and is just a category into which we put other people. Interestingly, in many of the world’s languages the word “heal” is related to the word “whole.” When you live your life from a place of fear, you are also living from a place fragmentation. Thus, you are not living from a place of wholeness because you are not healed. On a collective level, the paradigm of fear and mistrust appear in our national need for control and domination in an “us” versus “them” worldview. What 9/11 offers us on our path toward personal healing and planetary wholeness is to release our fear of the unknown and of those who happen to live a different way of life. It is about celebrating human diversity and not seeing others way of life as a threat to our own.
• The Power of the One Affects the Whole - A corollary to the two previous lessons is never to forget that your thoughts and actions influence others. If you choose to react and live in fear, anger, and hatred you give permission for others to do the same. However, if you choose to act from a place of authentic power, forgiveness, compassion, love, tolerance, and joy you also allow others to do the same. As more of us awake and realize the common bond that unites humanity, the more we become whole and healed. As more wholeness unfolds on the planet through our individual healing, all aspects of separation and fragmentation can no longer be tolerated, for us individually and collectively. The lessons from 9/11 provide each of us the ability to influence the greater whole. If we allow the events of 9/11 to have each of us live in fear, mistrust, and anger, we in turn give permission to those around us, especially to our children, to do the same. It is important to remember that children are not born to hate and to be racists or bigots; for these are attributes that they learn from their environment. However, if we recognize the power of choosing to live in trust, empowerment, and truth, we allow our children to learn and to live by our example. As Elizabeth Kubler-Ross says, “I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime.” Basically, our collective worldview will change only when we change our individual view of the world. Again, it all boils down to knowing that your thoughts and actions do indeed influence the greater whole.
• Reevaluate Your Values – The final lesson that 9/11 imparts to us is to recognize what truly is of value in our life. When the planes went down on 9/11 and the people trapped in the World Trade Center knew the end was near, the cell calls they made weren’t about trivial matters but were about expressing love and gratitude to those they would never see again. While having a great job, a home, and financial security are ideals that our society prizes, they are not the real values that matter. Our family, friends, pets, nature, health, and happiness, and all that which money cannot buy are what truly matter at the end of the day. One of the common bonds uniting all humans on this planet is our mortality. The painful circumstances of 9/11 demonstrated that life is such a rare and precious gift. In the Eastern traditions it is said that the key to health and happiness is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and fully. For it is in this very moment when the abundance and beauty of life present themselves to us in all forms. As I like to say, “At the end of the day it’s not about how much of a living you made but about how much you lived!"
However you choose to mark the anniversary of 9/11, I hope that these lessons empower you to live more in wholeness, health, and abundance. As the famous American author, William Faulkner, once declared, “I believe that mankind will not merely endure: it will prevail. It is immortal, not because it alone among creatures has an inexhaustible voice, but because it has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance.” I truly believe that we humans, both individually and collectively, will not just survive from the tragedy of 9/11, but that we will thrive as a species as we dispel our petty differences and embrace our common humanity!
In remembrance and respect to all who were lost that day.
Sincerely,
Dr. Jay Kumar
www.drjaykumar.com
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