“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” Charles Darwin
In this popular episode of “AWAKE with Dr. Jay Kumar” on Good Day with Doug Stephan, learn the reasons why we fear change and what you can do to adapt to change. AWAKE & Enjoy!
Dr. Jay Kumar
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"Meditation is simply about being yourself and knowing about who that is. It is about coming to realize that you are on a path whether you like it or not, namely the path that is your life." Missed the past couple of episodes? In this installment learn how meditation can enhance the mind and the tools you can use to cultivate being more centered and calm in your life. AWAKE & ENJOY!
Dr. Jay Kumar
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Change is one of the most challenging aspects of life, especially when change manifests suddenly or unexpectedly as loss, a matter I’ve blogged about in previous posts. (Read more here) Specifically, fear of change or feeling out of control amidst change is a topic that I find myself often exploring with clients. As the noted scientist and natural philosopher Charles Darwin once said, “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” No matter how fit or strong you are physically, it is your mental and psychological ability to adapt and respond to change that is the most important survival tool in life.
Before exploring how you can deal with the fear of change, let’s briefly talk about the emotion of fear. Neuroscience advocates that fear is a natural evolutionary product of our collective biology that we inherited from our early human ancestors. Fear was a survival mechanism that protected us from real and immediate threats. Even though most humans now live in a world relatively free from constant danger, our brains are incapable of distinguishing between real versus perceived fear. For example, you experience “fight or flight” fear when your life is truly at risk, e.g. think of being chased by a lion in the African savannah. Contrarily, the fear of public speaking or of confronting your boss for a raise is a self-inflicted perceived fear of a future, non-imminent situation. While “fight or flight” fear is an autonomic biological response that is real and crucial for survival, all other types of perceived fear are self-created and, therefore, can be controlled. In essence, there’s a difference when your life is truly at risk and when you’re taking a risk. Our neurobiology makes it difficult, but not impossible, for many of us to harness the primal areas of our brain that produce biological fear. However, the good news is that perceived and self-created fear appears to be a product of our higher cognitive brain that, with practice, we can more readily tame. Fear of change, which falls into the latter category, is something we fortunately have the power to manage.
So why, then, do we fear change? I believe the answer is that change creates the perception that we have no control of our life. It is the dread of not being in control that we really fear, which in turn produces the accompanying anxiety and stress. While many of us might enjoy the status quo and feel complacent in a life without change, we must understand that change is the fundamental rule of nature. Your cells, skin, hair, and nails change regularly to keep your bodies healthy and strong. The seasons in nature change annually to produce new life and food on the planet. Therefore, change is literally within and all around helping us and all life on the planet to thrive. Basically, without change life would perish.
So how can you cope with your fear of change? Here are some tools that you might find helpful.
1) The first step to control your fear of change is your ability to view it as an inherent part of your life. In a previous post, I mentioned that “Suffering = Resistance to Change.” (Read more here) The more you resist change in your life, the more anguish you experience.
2) Another handy tool is to re-conceptualize the word “change” with other terms. Words such as growth, renewal, evolution, or transformation are all synonyms for change. What those words have in common is the underlying and inherent principle of change.
3) Another key to embracing change is to practice mindfulness and to focus your thoughts on the present moment. (Read more here) Doing so allows your thoughts and consciousness not to dwell on the unknown future, but rather on the “here and now.”
4) Deep-belly breathing is another scientifically proven method to alleviate the emotion of fear and the physical sensations that accompany it. (Watch breathing video here) Remember, fear is just a form of energy. As energy can never be destroyed but merely transformed from one state to another, your fear can also be transformed. I strongly believe that fear is nothing more than excitement without the breath.
5) Another effective tool that I personally use and highly encourage to my clients is to make a daily affirmation. While it can be anything that you find helpful, I regularly use the following, “I live my day as I embrace change as part of my life. I am powerful and have the strength to create the life that I wish. I know that the universe (God) is conspiring for my greatest good and happiness!”
On a final note, when your fear of change is not properly checked, it can manifest in unhealthy ways in your life. Not only are there physical dangers of living constantly in a state of fear, but there are also emotional and psychological concerns when you fear change. On an individual level, you may react to change with resistance, anger, and violence toward yourself and even toward the world. On a national and political level, when a society or a culture fears change, it often leads to war, violence, and acts of terror. I venture to say that many of the terrorist acts we witness of late are the result of those who fear the massive changes happening in society and who choose to respond from a place of anger and hatred . I’ll discuss more of this in a later post.
Again, the key to your finding harmony and peace in life is to embrace the fundamental law of nature that everything changes. How you choose to respond to life’s changes, either with fear and resistance or with acceptance and flow, is the key to your health and wellbeing. The more you can embrace the power of change in your life and not fear it, the more we all will thrive as individuals, a culture, and a planet. To rephrase Darwin’s original quote with an example in nature, the bamboo that has the ability to bend is much stronger and endures longer than the oak that resists!
Keep on Living Your Light® as you learn to embrace the flow and change in your life!
Dr. Jay Kumar
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"All limits exist only in the mind, and it is only in the mind that they can be overcome." Alan Cohen
AWAKE with Dr. Jay Kumar 7/14/2011 (Radio Show Podcast)
Check out the latest podcast from "AWAKE with Dr. Jay Kumar!" as we explore the realms of human consciousness, meditation, and the power of the mind.. A really GREAT EPISODE!
Curious what neuroscience, compassion, and Casey Anthony have to do with each other? The answer is something in our brains called a mirror neuron. About 20 years ago, neuroscientists in Italy conducted an experiment monitoring the brain wave patterns of a monkey. By pure serendipity, as some of the great breakthroughs in science sometime happen, they discovered that primate and human brains possess mirror neurons that appear to be special brain cells that enable us to understand and interpret the actions, emotions, intentions, and behaviors of other humans (Read the full details of the experiment at Mirror Neurons.
Here are two examples of how mirror neurons work. Think of a time you saw a child fall down and cry for help, or recall the thrill of watching your favorite team on TV make that winning touchdown. In both cases, the same neurons firing in the brain of the child in pain or the sudden euphoria you feel when viewing people in joy are due to mirror neurons. Mirror neurons suggest that our brains are ‘wired’ to feel both the emotions and intentions of others, as if our brain is also experiencing the same action or emotion. It is this biological conditioning that may account for human compassion and our ability to empathize and socialize with others. On a side note, humans may not be the only species with mirror neurons as dogs, elephants, dolphins, and higher primates also appear to have them. Anyone who has pets knows that empathic bond we have with our animals. The discovery of mirror neurons is revolutionizing our understanding of how human biology, evolution, psychology, language, and culture are all interconnected. In essence, mirror neurons make us more compassionate humans!
So now that neuroscience has a possible biological explanation for human compassion, what does this have to do with Casey Anthony? The answer again is mirror neurons. Before I explain, let me share an overview of the Casey Anthony trial that has been in the media recently. For those unfamiliar with the case, Anthony was recently acquitted and freed from the alleged murder of her daughter. What triggered the prosecution’s suspicion that Anthony may have been the murderer was her blatant lack of remorse or grief over her daughter’s death. It is Anthony’s shocking lack of emotional pain that probably also fascinated us with the case. Because of our mirror neurons, we experienced a strong emotional reaction upon hearing the news of the daughter’s death. As a society we were irked, confused, and eventually outraged by Anthony’s blasé reaction to the entire situation. It makes us collectively wonder how a mother could appear to be so heartless over the death of her own child.
Neuroscientists now conjecture that some people, for whatever reason, possess underdeveloped or fewer mirror neurons in their brains, which may now possibly account for people who are autistics, sociopaths, and murderers. Mirror neurons also enable us to recognize and interpret facial expressions, as we express many of our emotions through our face. Those with dysfunctional mirror neurons are able to identify various emotions, e.g. anger or happiness, and imitate their corresponding facial expressions in others. However, they do not easily process the empathic significance of the imitated emotion. When looking at other people’s facial expressions, those with poor mirror neurons do not know what it FEELS like when others are happy, angry, repulsed, afraid, or sad.
While I have no direct proof, my suspicion is that Casey Anthony (and other infamous alleged murderers such O.J. Simpson and Scott Peterson) may lack developed mirror neurons that prevent them from expressing remorse and compunction. Additionally, the media’s and our collective fascination with the Casey Anthony trial stems from our disbelief and anger over the apparent absence of her empathy and compassion.
It goes to show that while mirror neurons may have developed out of a biological necessity for humans to evolve, we are all soft-wired to experience compassion and empathy. Since neuroscience also states that we have the power to rewire our brain’s neural circuitry, we each have the capacity to develop our mirror neurons and, in turn, cultivate greater compassion and empathy toward others.
Keep training those mirror neurons as you keep on Living Your Lightâ.
Dr. Jay Kumar
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In essence both spiritual thought and scientific theories aim to reveal the truth of existence. Spirituality and religion advance this truth in the non-physical realms of mystical experiences and human consciousness, while science focuses this truth on the physical, tangible word of substance. Therefore, both systems are valid in their own realm–science with the physical and spirituality with the non-physical. So rather than viewing science and spirituality as diametrically opposed beliefs, I choose to see them instead as two sides of the same coin.
In the past few decades it now appears that science and spirituality may be converging to present a new worldview that sees both the physical and non-physical universe as one interconnected field of consciousness and energy. In the words of Max Planck, the Nobel prize-winning founder of quantum physics, “All matter originates and exists only by virtue of a force… We must assume behind this force the existence of a conscious and intelligent Mind. This Mind is the matrix of all matter.”
According to Planck and the recent theories in quantum physics, everything in the universe (including physical matter) is comprised of energy. Some neuroscientists conjecture that our brain may actually be a “frequency transmitter” or “energy receiver” that picks up and transmits energy from the matrix of creation. Think of your radio or TV; they don’t generate the signals themselves but merely are instruments that transmit the frequency of sound and sight. The same is possibly true for our human brain that might be ‘wired’ to receive and process energies and signals from the universal matrix of consciousness, i.e. what religion calls God and what science calls the quantum field.
So what if science and spirituality are both advancing the same message, but merely using different a language to signify the same thing? The meaning and purpose of life, in my opinion, is to explore the intimate connection we each have with this unifying field of energy. While science can offer us a rational, empirical model of this field of consciousness, spirituality provides us with the experiential means to connect with this sacred realm that permeates all existence.
Since this unifying filed of thought is literally everywhere, we each have the ability to tap into and commune with this transcendent matrix of consciousness at any moment. Meditation, prayer, intentionality, relaxed breathing, etc. are simply ways we “fine tune” the radio or TV station of our brain in order to transmit this signal of the sacred and divine that exists at the very fabric of existence.
Enjoy and AWAKE!
Dr. Jay Kumar
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His Holiness the Dalai Lama has a wonderful quote that encapsulates the nature of suffering. He says, "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." The point here is to recognize that suffering is different from pain. Knowing the distinction between pain versus suffering is an important aspect for our personal growth and wellbeing. I view pain as a physical condition and grief as its emotional correlate. Hitting our toe against the table causes physical pain, while the loss of a loved one can produce emotional grief. On the other hand, the cause of our suffering is self-inflicted and produced by our mind and thoughts over the event that initially caused the pain. In essence Pain = Physical Here's a personal and every day example that distinguishes between pain and suffering and that also illustrates the cause of suffering. A few weeks ago I spilled liquid on my laptop requiring me to take it in for what I dreaded would be a costly repair. I experienced the instant "pain" of that one action as panic in my body wondering if I had ruined my computer. My "suffering" was caused by incessantly mentally berating myself over my carelessness the next FIVE DAYS of not having a computer, even though there was NOTHING I could do to change the situation.
Grief = Emotional
Suffering = Mental
While suffering is the product of how our mind chooses to respond to the pain, we each experience and respond to suffering in our own unique way such as anger, fear, anxiety, depression, etc. Even though suffering is a natural human response to pain, it is not physical but a mental condition that exists independently of pain. Paradoxically, we can suffer even after the pain has gone. Neuroscientists now believe that while most organisms feel pain, certain animals, e.g. elephants, primates, and dolphins, appear also to experience emotional grief. However, it is only humans that experience suffering!
Suffering is also directly connected with change. If we recall from last month's article, loss is just merely a form of change that is part of life. Change is something that is an integral part of life and nature. The more we resist the inevitable force of change and the acceptance of change in our life, the more we suffer. There exists, then, a direct correlation between suffering and resistance that I express in the following equation.
Suffering = Resistance x Change.
Putting it more simply, suffering is just resistance to accepting change. Our suffering is, therefore, proportional to the degree to which we resist change. While change is constant and something that we may have no control over, we do have a choice to how much we resist change and, thus, how much we suffer. To the degree that we can embrace change, especially when it occurs as loss, the less our mental suffering becomes.
Readapting the Dalai Lama’s quote, I now say, “Change is inevitable, suffering is optional.”
Keep on Living Your Light® as you learn to embrace the flow and change in your life!
Dr. Jay Kumar
“It is not the strongest of the species that survives nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” ~ Charles Darwin.
Hear the latest podcast of "AWAKE with Dr. Jay Kumar!" as we discuss how to turn loss and change into our advantage. In this episode, I'm also joined by health/fitness expert, Andrea Metcalf.
Enjoy and AWAKE!Dr. Jay Kumar
Dear Friends, Happy summer, everyone (or winter to my friends below the equator)! As always I hope this month's newsletter finds you enjoying and manifesting your full potential in life. It feels that recently many of us, myself included, are currently learning to deal with loss in some form. For you, it might be losing a dear family member, ending a relationship or marriage, your job, your home, or even the way of life you once knew. For me, loss is manifesting in the gradual departure of my best buddy Pico, a beloved 14.5 year-old golden retriever. I, therefore, wish to dedicate this and the next issue to all of you, or people you know, coping with loss and transition at this time. While loss is undoubtedly a painful and overwhelming process, there can actually be some valuable lessons learned from the experience. In part one of this series, I begin with some advice on how you can shift your attitude toward loss and hopefully view it in a new light. The first step toward coping with loss is to view loss as change! You may wonder, "What's the difference?" I believe that change comes in two forms, as either a joyous experience that you embrace or as a painful process that you dread. Most of you would agree that certain life events, e.g. getting married, having a child, going to college, getting a new home, etc., are all happy and joyous moments in life. Looking more closely, all of these celebratory situations also take on a form of loss, e.g. loss of being single, loss of youth, or loss of an old way of life. On the other hand, the painful loss of a loved one, a relationship, or career brings grief and sadness. So why is that we embrace the positive form of change but not when the change manifests as loss? Perhaps it is due to the innate human condition that views loss as something that causes uncertainty of the future over which we have no control. While we each experience loss in different ways, most of us react to loss through anger, grief, despair, frustration, or even denial. While all these emotions are valid in their own form, they are merely the ways in which we similarly react when life events seems out of control. Let's face it, for most the loss of a job, partner/spouse, pet, loved one, or a home is generally something that, despite how much we try, cannot be changed. The key phrase here is "cannot be changed!" If you can learn to shift the perception of loss to see it merely as just one form of change, the process of healing can begin as we transform our suffering into acceptance. I will explore this matter in next month's issue. Again, the fundamental way to work through loss is to view it within the larger context of change. Both the good things in life that bring you joy (marriage, children, new relationship, job, etc.) and the challenging things that yield despair and suffering (death, divorce, unemployment, etc.) are in actuality just two sides of the same coin, known as change. The difference between the two is how we choose to view them and in the corresponding emotional labels of "good or bad" placed on them. In the same way that the change brought on by marriage and children is an opportunity for growth and expansion, I believe the same is true with loss. The key resides once you merely see loss for what it truly is-change. In next month's issue I explore how suffering relates to loss and how to transform suffering into acceptance. Even in this time of change, manifesting as loss, know that you have the power and the capacity to embrace loss with acceptance, faith, and trust that all will be well soon. I hope you enjoy the newsletter as you continue Living Your Light®. Please feel free to share with friends and family who could use the encouraging words in their time of loss. Dr. Jay Kumar Check out other great articles by signing up for the LIVING YOUR LIGHT® newsletter -
Another great episode of "AWAKE with Dr. Jay Kumar!" now available for download. In this week's episode learn how to focus on the "what is and NOT the what if" and to cultivate an "Attitude of Gratitude!"
Enjoy and Awake!
Dr. Jay Kumar